Princess Fluffybutt

Writing prompt from Friday the 11th of March

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Yeah, in this situation, you’re not allowed to ask that questions.” I ducked the fireball aimed at my head and pressed against the side of the car. “How did you manage to screw this up so badly? Last I checked, it was a simple retrieve and deliver. Go pick up the client’s new cat and deliver it to her.” I punched Jonah, my business partner and roommate, in the shoulder. The guy almost looked pouty for a second, which looked ridiculous. He was part Norwegian giant and topped two and a half meters. His hair was a startling natural shade of dark green, and his face was the kind that made people cross the street and cover their children’s faces so they wouldn’t get nightmares. A scar pulled at his lips, so he looked like he was permanently snarling, and his left eye was covered by an eyepatch. The rest of his face was a roadmap of scars.

“Not my fault the client lied to us.”

“What happened? And make it quick.” I could feel magic gathering around the creature, and I wasn’t sure what would happen when it unleashed it.

“I picked up the cat. Everything was fine. Then we crossed the river, and suddenly the cat went crazy. Then it turned into that.” He pointed over his shoulder, and we looked at the creature standing in the middle of the intersection. It looked like a normal fluffy white cat. Except it was the size of a house. Its eyes were a stunning purple, and fluffy pink wings beat on its back. Thankfully, they weren’t big enough to lift the creature from the ground.

“Magically transforming cats. Great.”

The magic that had been gathering finally snapped, and in its best monster lizard fashion, the cat threw its head back. But there weren’t any scary blue beams.

“Please tell me you saw that too?” Jonah looked from the cat to me with wide eyes. We had seen some weird shit the last seven years since magic came alive, but big fluffy cats shooting rainbows out its mouth was probably the weirdest.

“Yep, I saw it too.” I looked back at the cat and noticed the wings had grown. Shit, if it got off the ground, it would be impossible to stop it.

Something in its fur glittered in the sun, and I narrowed my eyes at it. Was it growing some kind of protective armor? The cat turned its head, and a light blue collar was revealed beneath the white fur. Hello clue. Whatever the cat was, the collar would have snapped when it grew just like the cat carrier, unless the collar was magic.

“Look.” I pointed at the colorful charm dangling from the collar, and Jonah’s eyes went wide.

“Tell me that isn’t a Scarab.”

“Looks like it from here,” I half growled. After seven years of magic fucking with our lives, people should know better. And still, people constantly forgot that things, especially old things, sometimes held power. That’s why you didn’t take an ancient Egyptian symbol of transformation and stuck it on a cat and then send it out into a magic-infested, crumbling city. The cat’s wings were still growing, and as it beat them, its front paws lifted from the ground.

“We need to get a move on before that thing flies away,” Jonah said, mirroring my thoughts. I looked at Jonah, then the cat, and then Jonah again. This was such a bad idea.

“Throw me,” I said and grabbed the knife from my belt.

“Throw you? Have you lost your mind?” Jonah crossed his massive arms over his chest and stared down at me.

“If we cut the collar off, the cat should turn back to a cat again.”

“And if anything goes slightly wrong, like my aim being off by a few inches or the cat deciding you’d be a great snack, you’re dead.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. I’m hard to kill. At most, I’ll be maimed for life.” I gave him a big grin, and he gave one back, showing off his pointy teeth.

“I throw you, and then I’ll make as much noise as possible to keep its attention on me. Don’t take too long. I don’t need any more scars.” Jonah grabbed his ax and placed it against the car. As he grabbed hold of one of my arms and my belt, adrenalin surged through me, and I couldn’t help the smile.

The magic had changed the world. Most agreed that it had been for the worst, but for Jonah and me, it had been a blessing. We hadn’t fit into the world before. Too violent, too aggressive. And then magic had hit, and everything changed. Suddenly violence and aggression became traits that served us well. We carved out a piece of life for ourselves, and we thrived. Of course, the transformations had been quite a surprise. Jonah had always been a big guy, but it had been quite a shock when he suddenly turned into half a giant. And me? Well, I loved the new me.

“Ready?” Jonah asked, but before I could answer, he threw. Wind whipped against my face, and I flattened my ears and tucked my tail against my leg. Jonah’s war bellow sounded from below, and the cat turned its head, the purple eyes focused on him, not me. Unfortunately, it meant the cat moved just a bit too much, and for a split second, I could see myself fly right over the head and land in a broken heap on the other side. My hand blessedly closed around soft hair, and I pulled myself close to the cat’s neck. I scrambled around with my feet as my body began sliding on the soft fur, and then my feet hit the edge of the collar.

Carefully, oh so carefully, I slid down the neck until I had both my legs wrapped around the collar. The cat didn’t seem like it even noticed I was there, but then, I was nothing more than a small bug compared to it. I used the knife to cut into the collar, but it didn’t take long before I gave up. Whatever the collar was made of, it might as well have been steel. But, the collar had to have come on somehow. Which meant there had to be some kind of a clasp. I pulled myself up, using the collar as a ladder, and made my way across the neck. The cat moved around slowly, as if not quite sure what to make of the weird yelling bug on the ground swinging an ax. My hands finally closed on the clasp, and I studied it for a second. Thankfully the collar was for show and designed to be secure. With the help of my blade, I got the metal clamp opened, and then I realized the error of my action. Because as soon as the collar began sliding off the cat, I started to fall too. I dropped the knife and held on to the fur with everything I got. The cat screamed, and magic popped around me in bright bursts of light. I closed my eyes, hoping like hell I would survive this shit. Being killed by a giant white rainbow burping cat would suck.

Cold seeped into my ass, and I carefully opened my eyes. The magic had stopped, and when I looked down, a cute cat was on my lap, purring.

“You okay?” Jonah asked as he came over.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He helped me to my feet, the cat still half asleep in my arms. “You got the collar?” I asked. We really didn’t need another monster animal running around.

“Right here.” He held up a small metal box before tucking it into his backpack. Lead-lined boxes had become the go-to thing when dealing with magic.

“Perfect. Now let’s get Princess Fluffybutt here back to her new owner.”